Ok, the subject line is deceiving because they are part of your divorce in terms of the legal aspects. What the subject line is intended to convey is based on the following story:
A husband and wife decide they want to have kids. They have had some problems in their marriage but they are committed to each other and go forward with their plans to have children. Two kids later their problems have escalated because now it is not just about the husband and wife, but also about the children.
The husband and wife go to counseling and try to do what the counselor suggests, but it just is not working for them. Ultimately they decide to separate. As they begin going through the divorce process they find out about terms like primary conservatorship, possession and access, visitation, etc. Suddenly the parent that is not seeing the children everyday is wanting to do as many fun things with the children to make up for not seeing them everyday. That parent feels utterly guilty for changing their family structure and just wants the children to be happy. The other parent, however, is struggling to keep up with school, homework, the house, job, and making sure that the kids are taken care of. That parent suddenly begins to resent the time the other parent is spending having fun with the kids.
Now each parent is talking to the kids about what mommy or daddy should be doing but is not doing. The parent trying to make up for not seeing their kids doesn’t understand why the other parent is not doing just as many fun things with the kids. The one keeping school and house together does not understand why the other parent is not helping more with these tasks. These parents are saying these things to their children putting them in the middle when all the children want is for mom and dad to work through their issues so that they can get to the new normal life they will be living.
If you find yourself in a situation similar to this, definitely consider some form of parenting counseling. This counseling can help you understand the different view points of each parent and help you find ways to communicate your issues without involving the children. The children should not be made to feel like they have to choose one parent over the other and instead should feel as though they can enjoy both parents just as they used to.
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[…] divorce. There have been a few about how parents can get child support and some about not using the children as bait during a divorce. I read through this article and thought about the children themselves as their […]