This might seem like a weird headline for this blog, but I’ve been thinking about it for awhile. As this article indicates spending too much time together causes problems in a relationship. You have to have a sense of who you are in a relationship and not be defined just by the relationship.
When you start a new relationship you want to spend as much time together as possible because you are getting to know each other. As the newness wears off, you start gravitating back to some of the things you did before you met this person. Then perhaps you get married and you get wrapped up in the wedding and honeymoon, etc. Eventually things go back to normal again, but then you have kids and EVERYTHING changes. Suddenly you are wrapped up in these little bundles of joy and you start to slip away from what was your normal into a new kind of normal.
Maybe you hear yourself saying, “well we can’t afford to go on a vacation” or “we can’t afford to go out to eat all the time like before” or “I don’t have time to hangout with my friends.” I’m sure that everyone reading this would not trade their kids to go back to the way things were before, but at the same time you cannot give up everything you did that made you who you are.
I often hear couples say that they just grew apart after kids. Perhaps part of this growing apart is because they didn’t starting doing their individual things and just focused on the kids. I am not advocating getting away from your partner/spouse, what I am advocating for is having individual time. One of the benefits to doing this is being able to come back to your partner/spouse and talk about it. Each of you will have something different to share besides what happened at the office or what happened with the kids. Another benefit is your kids will get to know you better by seeing the things that you are interested in. If you are a golfer, writer, painter, etc. they will get to know more about those things because you will be doing them and thus talking about them. It actually opens your kids to more variety by you just going out and having individual time.
So go out and reinvent yourself. Whether you are single, married, going through a divorce or separate, just go out and find yourself.