If you have gone through a divorce you know that there are a wide variety of emotions that you go through. This Huffington Post in the Huffington Post provides some bullet points for what to do after a divorce. I want to touch on a couple of those and make a couple of other suggestions.
The article states that there is no timeline for when you will feel better. This is absolutely true. I have had clients that are fine immediately after the divorce and others that take a year or more to feel fine. If anyone tells you that you should be feeling better by now you need to consider whether you think you should be feeling better by now. If you think you should, then I would suggest seeking a counselor to talk to.
The article talks about finding “trench buddies”. I fully concur with this statement. Finding people who are either going through a divorce, just finished a divorce or have gone through it before give you someone to talk to about the difficulties in regaining your sense of self. It is a group that allows you to state just how you feel without worry that they will tell you “to get back out there” or “you should be over this by now” or “why can’t you just be happy”? These people understand what you are going through. You may find after everything is done that you have made some really great friends.
I would also suggest not trying to jump back to your pre-marriage self right away. Take some baby steps to getting there. You have probably changed a lot during your marriage, no matter how short or long the marriage was, and you need time to slowly ease back to yourself. Find an activity or two that you really enjoy and do those. Whether that is exercise, reading a book, quilting, cooking, gardening, whatever that activity or two is that lets you just be you, go out and enjoy that. After you feel comfortable with those activities add another one or two. But as the article stated, don’t let these activities turn into bad vices for you.
If you have kids, make sure you take time to spend with them. Make sure they feel loved because they will return the love. Maybe they are mad, hurt or confused. Maybe they blame you right now. Or maybe they think they are happy now. Whatever the case, make sure first and foremost they know that you love them. In time they and you will come to understand this new life and why it was necessary for everyone.
Lastly, trust yourself. Believe in yourself.
1 Comment
It’s definitely good to find people that can empathize and relate to you, instead of telling you to feel better and get out there. That can be the last thing someone wants to hear going through a divorce. And you’re right, some people are fine after it’s finished, and some need more time. It’s different for each situation and person.