What Happens In Mediation?

I have found that a lot of individuals are unsure of what to expect in mediation. Now I will say that every mediator has their own strategy for handling a mediation so anything I write here is really just about cases that I mediate.

Separation

The first thing that I have found is that the parties are surprised they are not in the same room together. Often times the parties are relieved to hear that I put them in separate rooms. There are a few reasons for this:

Confidentiality

Mediation is confidential. The mediator cannot testify to anything that happened in mediation. If you do not want the other party to know something the mediator does not tell the other side. If you learn about something in mediation that you did not know already you cannot use it in Court (unless you learn about it another way). The purpose of confidentiality is to open the flow of conversation to hopefully reach a resolution. If the parties are in the same room then information that I, as the mediator, need to know won’t be shared and would hinder settlement.

Free Flow

Along the lines of confidentiality also comes free flow of information. Not just that it is confidential (if you want it to remain that way) but also so that you can feel free to share whatever you feel is necessary to help me settle the case for you. If the other party is in the room you may not want them to hear what you have to say. Not because it is confidential information, but, maybe perhaps because once you say something you cannot take it back. When a party tells me something, I get to choose whether to share that with the other side or not (subject to confidentiality above) and if I do the other party still isn’t hearing it directly from you.

Strategy

When I leave the room you are in and go to the other party’s room, you and your attorney can strategize about what to expect next. Perhaps your attorney needs to speak with you about what they anticipate will happen next or explain in more detail what happened when I was in the room. This gives you and your attorney time that you would not have if we were all in the same room together.

Time

Another thing I have found is that the parties do not understand why the mediator spends so much time in the other room. Honestly, I do not look at my watch and try to make sure I spend equal time in each room. I do not do this because I do not want you to think I am trying to rush you. I want you to feel comfortable enough to talk with me so that I can help you resolve your case. So if that comfort level takes 10 minutes then it takes 10 minutes. If it takes 30 minutes, that’s what it takes. Same for the other room. Every person is different. Every case is different. I like to suggest that you bring something to read or watch a show on your phone or tablet for some of the time when I am in the other room.

Solution

And to conclude this blog post today mediation is about coming together to try to reach a solution. It is sometimes about creativity. Sometimes it is just about being understood. But the number one thing about mediation is that the goal is to try to find out how we can reach an agreement. Mediation is not about one party getting everything they want. It usually involves compromise on both parties to reach a resolution.