Caught in the Middle in Mediation!

As a mediator, this is where I am, caught in the middle trying to solve the puzzle during mediation. The left side wants X and the right side wants Y. The attorneys for each party advocate for their clients trying to get them what they want. Here I sit, in the middle listening to it all. The parties thinking, “there is no way he/she will agree to what I want.”

The Middle is the Best Place

What the parties do not understand is that I am in the best place. By the time I am caught in the middle I have already explained the confidentiality of mediation sessions to them. The parties already know that they can speak freely and openly without fear of it being used against them in Court. The parties are in separate rooms. I have already explained that anything they do not want me to tell the other side I will not. I have also explained that the more they tell me during mediation, the more information I have to help the parties reach an agreement.

Building Trust

The only way to be caught in the middle, however, is to have trust with the parties. They have to be able to relate with me in order to trust me. If I just start off the session by saying, “talk to me” then I have not built a relationship with them. So while I give my speech about the mediation process I usually start off by asking something about them. I want them to know I am here to get to know them. I want them to know that I am here for them. I need them to believe that I will listen to everything they want and will work hard to try to find some common ground.

I find that when both sides feel that I am here to listen to their wants then they are open to discussion. They are open to entertaining some compromises rather than being headstrong.